Who would’ve thought we would be together. Our story is unbelievable and special thanks to those who helped us get together because I was a person who was very insecure, low self-esteem and was scared to move forward. The minute we actually started since I said what I said and he said what he said, we were very shy. He was mostly shy because I was shy and didn’t know how to talk. So, if I couldn’t talk, he didn’t talk. I have never told someone what I truly felt and I never gave my all into the hands of somebody else after it was screwed. All of my high school, I was just a girl that you can practically say “hard to get” but I don’t see it that way. Yes, I lost tons of learning on how to “handle”relationships but I mostly learned from my friends when they were in relationships. Hearing from my friends relationships and them talking about how bad it can be, I was scared to hand over my all and basically kept myself to myself because I didn’t want to end up like them. Even though I did try and talked to people, it still never work out because I was scared and usually when I was at the point of giving them my all, they showed me exactly why I shouldn’t have. There was a post before on instagram from “nahf0ol” that made it all make sense. I used to think “if it’s meant to be, it will be in the future” and it wasn’t like that. This doesn’t relate to our relationship but it refers to me and should refer to everyone.
It always spoke strongly about everything and how I wasted my time thinking that. It was a silly way of thinking in my opinion so I took a closer look on what a “feeling” and “knowing” what you feel and meant. It was all a choice. This post opened my eyes and just hopefully, it opens yours.
Enough of the jumping in, let me start from the beginning and try to keep it short.
Kevin and I knew each other since elementary school. He knows me by “you’re the girl that had a bloody thumb” and I remember him by “you’re the boy who was always with Siera in Mr. Stibich’s class!” There were a couple of times I would try to talk to him but he always shut me out, simply because he was an “all to himself and don’t care about nobody” person and finally, in Mr. Brown’s class in my senior year of high school, he finally talked BACK to me. It all started because of a Kevin I knew before in my class and he told me that my boyfriend that is now, is like an Albert Einstein and I went to him. He was sleeping like always so I tapped him and from there, he basically did my precalculus homework since he was a bad explainer and we laughed and chuckled and ever since that day, we never stopped talking to each other in that class. Knowing myself, I can never hold a conversation with people but for some reason, he always kept me talking and had me excited coming to class (besides Ryccy) and our friendship began there. There were assumptions that people made that he liked me such as Sidney (one of my closest friends) pointed it out immediately after he asked me to prom but I never believed it because from what I knew about him, I couldn’t believe that he liked me and it was only an assumption.
The day I knew I had feelings for him was the day my friends and I went to the beach right before graduation. I really wanted him to come and even tried to tell my friends to wait for him but he wasn’t going to come back until four so we went instead. While I was having fun and all, I still had him in my mind and I thought it was so weird but I missed him. I don’t think I told anyone about that but that’s when I started to grow feelings. That’s when I realized I like him and I was just so hard on myself in my head. All until August, I kept saying to myself:
Don’t do this Jennifer, you’re going to hurt yourself silly. You’re going to get hurt. Once you’re in, you’re in. You’re going to be a fool for liking him. He won’t stay because others didn’t stay. You will be fine without him, don’t go for him. Don’t give him a chance. You’ve hurt yourself so much for the people who have hurt you, don’t hurt yourself anymore.
That was my mind speaking. Nobody knew I actually liked him, not even Ryccy but the people who I once in a while talked to, knew I did and my dad knew. Even MY DAD KNEW. I am really close to my dad and I tell him mostly everything about how I feel and he’s so wise about the advice he gives me. They ended up telling me:
“Go for it, follow your heart. Stop being afraid because you’re running away from life. Don’t be afraid anymore. College is about to happen and you never know what will come. Take this chance and move forward. Follow your heart! You always follow your mind and gut and never your heart. Follow your heart once more.”
So I sent another text message later that night because the first message was heartbreaking. It was more of my mind talking and the second message was more of my heart talking and there we started. We had a bumpy start but then, he finally asked me out on September 14th. Honestly, Wednesdays and 14s are my favorite days and dates. He doesn’t know that but it’s my favorite days. Then, every time I am with him became my favorite days. There would be times where the old thoughts came back and my past would try to win me over but I didn’t let it. All of things went through my mind but I didn’t let it happen. Through it all, I communicated with him. I will always be honest with him with how I feel and the connection I have with him is inseperable.
That picture above is the last picture I took of him on Monday, March 13th around one and I just miss him. It has only been a day but he’s my best friend, my other half and my boyfriend. These next three months will be about me and these next three months will be about him. This is the time where I can learn how to be independent and to prepare for our future. I am thankful for him and I appreciate him so much. This is the start of OUR brand new beginning. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him because this is the choice I want to live for the rest of my life. Some of you may think we won’t last or we won’t be successful or something but this right here what we have, is so real. Even meteors can hit us, we will still stand strong with each other. Nothing can break us apart and if it does, promise you I won’t, even you would promise it won’t. I love you Kevin, I will be here and there through it all, count my words Bookie.
–your pug, Jhin-Jan xo