For as long as I know, I feel like I have two people living inside of me: one that’s outside and is very kind, friendly, wants to grow and is very happy but, then there’s this other person that’s inside who like to take over control. By taking over control, I mean literally question everything that I do. If something feels wrong even if it shouldn’t feel wrong, my mind will react upon it and kill me inside. It’s hard sometimes being both, where I am nostalgic and have anxiety issues. People says there is medication for anxiety, but I don’t believe that because nothing can control how your feel but your mind. It’s all in the mind.
Best believe I will always reminisce the old times and remember what people have done to me, that hurt me but I never really say anything about it. I just try to grow past it. I can’t ever hold a grudge with another person because life is too short to be mad at somebody else and the best thing I can do is walk away from people rather than them walking out on me. There’s only a certain level where people do get to me and believe me, it’s at a high point where my body, my heart, my mind can’t control it anymore.
Due to psychology, I have been mentally manipulated and emotionally. I never noticed, up until I took a course and put the pieces together and realized why I am the way I am.
See the paragraph above? That’s something I should stop doing. I should stop looking for excuses on why I am the way I am. I have to accept myself. I need to accept myself because this is me, it’s what makes me, me. My mind sometimes laughs at me when my heart feels, like it always says “I told you so” or “I’m sorry for making you feel this way, didn’t mean to make you feel stupid..”
My mind is taking control and that’s where it should ring. Your mind is controlled by you. My mind is controlled by me. Whatever we let in and let it affect us, it gives our mind power to get little yous in your head, running around in your brain like “Ahhhhhh let her think this, ooouu what about this, oh no THIS”. I’m telling myself that it is okay to feel but not feel like I’m drowing. When I get anxiety, it wins me over and seriously, it takes forever to calm down. What’s crazier is that my dog has the same issue as me and we are two peas in a pod. We are bestfriends, he’s my best friend. That is another story I should explain in a few. However, my mind is controlling me and I need to let go. There’s one issue I haven’t let go and I need to let go. It’s all in my head and it needs to be let go. Don’t make your mind make you go crazy because there will be nights where you cry so much over your overthinking (like me) and then you’ll zone out through out the day and not realize what you’re doing. Let it go kid, just let it go.
I watched a YouTube video because a friend of mine recommended me to watch one about saying one last goodbye to your dog if they ever get sick and it just had in me in tears. It shows another example of how the mind wants you to he selfish and let them stay but your heart is the one constantly fighting you to let go. The link below is the video: